Chapter 20 Licking the Dog
Since the Jade Emperor quelled the rebellion of the God of Wealth, the supervision of the work of the gods in heaven has become increasingly strict. The Jade Emperor believes that as long as the gods do their respective jobs well and benefit all beings in the three realms, all beings will naturally respect the gods more and more, and then more and more beings will naturally worship the gods. The main reason why the people now do not respect and worship the gods is because the gods are lazy and do not help all beings well, causing all beings to lose more and more trust in the gods. Yue Lao was regarded as the “negative example” of the Jade Emperor’s preaching to the gods.

The Jade Emperor said to Yue Lao in front of all the stars and all the civil and military officials in the Lingxiao Palace: “Who among the mortals does not want to have a good marriage? Who does not hope to have many children and blessings? But now, how many people have long passed the age of marriage, but have no good marriage. How many have even completely lost faith in marriage! As Yue Lao, you are in charge of the marriage of the world, this is your dereliction of duty! You must know that only when every family of the people in the world is happy and has many children and grandchildren, can the incense of our heaven continue. If it goes on like this, the people in the lower world will not get married, and there will be no successors. Who can we expect to build temples for us and worship our gods in the future? Wouldn’t it cut off the bloodline of the human world and cut off the incense of our heaven! This is a matter bigger than the sky, and it cannot be sloppy at all. From today on, the number of red threads tied for the people in the lower world every day must be doubled than before. Also, when you meet those sincere people who come to ask for marriage, you must fulfill them, and you can’t sit back and do nothing, or shirk your responsibility.”

After returning from Lingxiao Palace, Yue Lao sighed and thought: “I was not lazy, but the red thread of the mortal beings is not easy to tie! I run around for the sentient beings every day, and I don’t know how much suffering I have suffered.” The more I thought about it, the more wronged I felt. Then he could only sigh helplessly: “Oh, forget it, who made me the great god in charge of the marriage of the world.” Then he found the red book that recorded the marriage of sentient beings and flipped through it. He took out the magic mirror and looked at the sentient beings who came to the temples in the lower world to burn incense and seek marriage. Sure enough, he found a respectful and sincere believer in the east. It turned out to be an old woman over 60 years old. She heard that the Yue Lao temple here was very effective in seeking marriage, so she came from afar to burn incense and pray for her daughter, hoping to find a son-in-law. Seeing that the woman was still worried about her children’s lifelong affairs at her age, Yue Lao was naturally moved and decided to help the old woman first.

That night, Yue Lao appeared in the old woman’s dream and said to her, “I am Yue Lao! I saw that you are sincere in wanting a son-in-law for your daughter, so I appeared to help you. I am the god in charge of all the good matches in the world. You can tell me what kind of son-in-law you want, and I will help you fulfill your wish.”

The old woman was overjoyed when she heard this, and she bowed to Yue Lao repeatedly, saying, “The ancients always said that sincerity is the key to success, and sincerity has never deceived me. I don’t have too many requests, I just hope that you can find a reliable person for my daughter to spend her life with.”

Yue Lao took out the mandarin duck book from his arms and wrote the old woman’s birth date on the front. Soon, many names appeared on the back. Under each name, there was also information about her background, personality, physical condition, appearance, etc.

Yue Lao looked at it for a while, pointed at a name in the score and said, “How about this one? This person is loyal in love, and is thrifty and hardworking. He is a down-to-earth person who is willing to work hard!”

The old woman looked in the direction where Yue Lao pointed and shook her head, saying, “I’m afraid it’s not appropriate. This person’s family is poor, and he has no noble support, so he can only make a living on his own. If my daughter marries him, she will inevitably be overworked, and won’t she suffer?”

Yue Lao pointed to another name and said, “How about this one? This person has a well-off family, is an upright person, and will have good fortune in the future!”

The old woman said, “I’m afraid it’s not appropriate! This man is fat and ugly, and really not presentable. How can he be a good match for my daughter?”

Yue Lao said again: “How about this one? This person is strong, well-proportioned, and has a good appearance!”

The old woman said, “I’m afraid it’s not right. This person is simple-minded and strong-limbed. He is uneducated and has no heart. He always lets others take advantage of him and suffers losses. He is too stupid!”

Yue Lao turned a page of the mandarin duck book, looked at it again and said, “How about this one? This person is talented and has good character!”

The old woman said, “I’m afraid it’s not appropriate! This person is too weak and sickly. He will need someone to take care of him sooner or later.”

Yue Lao said, “What about this one? This person is also talented and healthy. He can live a long life.”

The old woman said, “I’m afraid it’s not appropriate! Although this person is talented, he is too unruly. He only likes to travel and play, and doesn’t want to take care of the family business. He is not a person who can live a good life.”

Yue Lao looked at it again and said, “This is good! This family has been in business for generations and is well-off. Now the son has inherited his father’s business. He is very smart and good at business.”

The old woman said, “I’m afraid it won’t work! The old lady in this family is not easy to get along with, and she treats her daughter-in-law harshly. If my daughter marries her, she will definitely be bullied by that old witch.”

Yue Lao turned another page of the lovebirds’ pamphlet and said, “This is incredible! Their ancestors were officials, so they are truly a wealthy and powerful family. Is this okay?”

The old woman said, “It’s even more inappropriate! This man is a playboy, fickle, and not sentimental. How can you be happy if you marry him?”

Yue Lao said, “Then take a look at this person. This person is very ambitious, talented, capable, principled, and strong-willed. He is very rare.”

The old woman said, “I’m afraid it’s not a good idea. This man is so busy every day, only caring about making money, and rarely spending time with his family. If my daughter marries him, I’m afraid she will have to wash clothes, cook, and take care of the children by herself, without anyone to help her!”

Yue Lao smiled bitterly and said, “This one is really good! Look at this man, he is very good at taking care of others. He can do everything from washing clothes and cooking to taking care of children. He can handle all kinds of housework. He can be said to be good at both housework and cooking. If your daughter marries him, she can enjoy a leisurely life!”

The old woman said, “I’m afraid it’s not appropriate. His salary is too meager, barely enough for daily expenses. If my daughter marries him, she will have to be frugal. As the saying goes, poor couples have many sorrows…”

Yue Lao helplessly shook his head and said, “Look at you! At the beginning you just said you wanted to find a reliable one, but now you can’t find this or that, so what kind of person do you want?”

The old woman said, “I don’t really have any special requirements. As long as he has a good family background and a good job, has a good character, a good temper, and treats his wife well. He is healthy and not particularly ugly.”

Yue Lao said, “It’s not an excessive request to have everything like this.”

The old woman said, “If you can’t do these things, how can you be considered reliable?”

Yue Lao said: “If you ask for this, you may not meet one in a hundred years. This god can do nothing about it.”

The old woman sneered at him, “You said before that I could have any kind of son-in-law I wanted. But now you say this. You are a god who controls the marriages in the world! Now I know that gods are just like this. I shouldn’t have traveled all the way to your temple to burn incense. It would be better for me to have a good sleep at home.”

Yue Lao never thought that as a god, he would be looked down upon by a mortal. He said anxiously, “Humph! Isn’t it just about having a good family background, a good job, good character, a good temper, being good to his wife, being healthy, and not ugly? How difficult is that? There happens to be such a person in my marriage history who meets your requirements, but it’s a little difficult.”

The old woman was delighted when she heard this: “It would be great if there is one. I wonder how difficult it is to deal with it?”

Yue Lao said, “That man is indeed good in every way, except for one thing, his life span was too short. He died yesterday and is not in the world of the living, but in the underworld with King Yama, waiting to be reincarnated.” Upon hearing this, the old woman burst into tears and said, “My good son-in-law! What should I do? I finally found such a good son-in-law, why is he separated from me by the Yin and Yang? I won’t accept it! I don’t care if he is a human or a ghost, I want him to be my son-in-law!”

Yue Lao said, “Okay, stop crying! Wanting your son-in-law to live is not that difficult. For this god, it’s just a piece of cake.”

The old woman said quickly: “If the immortal can bring that man back to life and make him my son-in-law, I will worship the golden statue of Yue Lao at home, burn incense and kowtow to him morning and night, and never forget my kindness.”

Yue Lao was very satisfied with the old woman’s attitude and said to her, “Don’t worry, just wait patiently. I will go to the underworld and make sure that the King of Hell will release your precious son-in-law and marry your daughter.”

The good old Yue, holding the love book, broke into the netherworld, the gate of hell. He claimed to be the Yue Lao, the god of the upper world, and wanted to see the King of Hell. The ghost guarding the gate was so panicked that he hurriedly reported to the judges and the King of Hell, “There is someone outside who claims to be the Yue Lao, the god of the upper world, and wants to see the King of Hell!”

The King of Hell was very puzzled when he heard this, and said to the judges, “The gods from the upper realm rarely set foot in the underworld. Moreover, this Yue Lao is the one who is in charge of marriage, why would he come to my underworld?”

The judge said, “No matter what, Yue Lao is also a god with a divine position. His status is much higher than that of the ghosts and immortals in the underworld like us. It is better for us to go and welcome him.”

The King of Hell led a group of judges, the Ox-Headed and Horse-Faced Demons, and the Black and White Impermanence out of the palace gate and invited Yue Lao into the palace. After the host and the guest sat down, he asked, “I wonder why the God has come to the underworld?”

Yue Lao said, “The Jade Emperor has recently attached great importance to the marriage of all living beings in the mortal world, and has asked me to do my best to help all living beings find a good marriage. Just now, I met an old woman who came to my temple to kowtow and burn incense. Seeing that she was still worried about her daughter’s lifelong affairs at such an old age, I couldn’t bear it and promised to help her daughter find a good marriage. But the man that the old woman liked died not long ago and is now in the underworld. Therefore, I came to the Lord of Hell to plead for that short-lived man, asking the Lord of Hell to let him return to the world of the living to marry the old woman’s daughter and help them find a good marriage!”

The King of Hell looked at the judge after hearing this, and then seemed to be thinking about something without saying a word. The judge walked to the King of Hell and whispered, “Although Yue Lao has no authority to interfere in the affairs of the underworld, he is a god of heaven after all, and is familiar with the God of Longevity and Laojun. If we reject him, he can go to the upper world to get a soul-returning pill and save a mortal easily. In my opinion, there is no need to offend a god for the so-called rules. It is better to do him a favor and give him the ghost he wants.”

The King of Hell nodded slightly upon hearing this, and said to Yue Lao: “As the saying goes, it is better to demolish ten temples than to destroy a marriage. The gods want to help a beautiful marriage come true, how dare I disobey.” Then he ordered people to bring the ghost up. It turned out that although the ghost was good in every way, there was only one thing: he loved to eat dog meat when he was alive, and he didn’t know how many dogs of different sizes he had eaten. The judge was just trying him and wanted to sentence him to reincarnate as a dog in the animal world. So when he was dragged here by the ghost soldiers, he was still crying and shouting, “I don’t want to be a dog! I don’t want to be a dog!”

The King of Hell slammed the gavel and said to the ghost, “You are so lucky! This time the god Yue Lao has come to tie the red thread for you. You don’t have to be a dog anymore. You can follow Yue Lao back to the world of the living to be a human.”

When the ghost heard this, he was overjoyed and kowtowed to Yue Lao, saying, “Thank you very much for saving my life, old immortal.”

Yue Lao said: “It’s just a small matter, remember. After you return to the world of the living, you must manage your affairs well and earn more money. At home, you must be good to your wife. You must also be careful and thoughtful about all the affairs at home, such as washing clothes, cooking, taking care of children, etc. You must not let your wife worry about it. You can only love your wife for the rest of your life. You must not be tempted by other people, you must not be unfaithful, and you must be loyal and serious in your feelings! You must listen to your wife more in everything, be filial to your parents-in-law, and treat them as your own parents…”

Unexpectedly, upon hearing this, the ghost burst into tears and kowtowed to the King of Hell and the judges, saying, “I was wrong! I was wrong! I’d better reincarnate as a dog! I won’t come back to the world! I won’t come back to the world!”

Yue Lao, the King of Hell, and a group of judges and ghosts were all dumbfounded and looked at the ghost in confusion.

The King of Hell asked, “You must be mentally ill. Why do you choose to be a dog instead of a human?”

The ghost said, “Before, I was just a dog. If I really live like this after returning to the world, I will be worse than a dog!”

As soon as these words came out, the King of Hell and all the ghosts burst into laughter. The King of Hell turned to Yue Lao and said, “As the saying goes, a forced melon is not sweet. Since he doesn’t want to, I think we should not force him. Just let him be.”

Yue Lao could only sigh helplessly.

The King of Hell ordered the judge to take out the dog list to see what kind of dog he would be sentenced to. The judge took out the dog list, unfolded it and read: “Dog, canine. The big ones are canines, the small ones are dogs. There are pugs, golden retrievers, Chihuahuas, huskies…”

Oh, yes! Recently, several new dog breeds have been added, namely: thin dogs, licking dogs, gambling dogs, single dogs…”

The King of Hell slammed the gavel and said, “This guy deserves to be a single dog.”

Upon hearing this, the ghosts stepped forward, picked up the ghost, and prepared to send him to the animal realm to be reincarnated.

But Yue Lao shouted, “Wait a minute!”

The King of Hell asked in confusion, “What else does the God have to say?”

Yue Lao said, “You don’t know, Lord of Hell. The Jade Emperor is worried that the people in the mortal world don’t have good marriages, and he’s afraid that it will cut off the incense in the heaven, so he ordered me to match more red threads for the people. But if this guy is really reincarnated as a single dog, he will disappear from my love tree and I won’t be in charge of him. Wouldn’t that mean there will be another person who loses the incense? In my opinion, let him be a dog licker!”

Upon hearing this, the King of Hell said, “Okay! Okay! Then let him be a lickspittle!”

The ghost had been carried far away by several ghost soldiers, but he could still hear the conversation between Yue Lao and the King of Hell. He immediately cried and struggled, “I don’t want to be a licker! I don’t want to be a licker!”

But where was the place for him? In the blink of an eye, he was pushed down by the powerful ghosts and reincarnated into the animal realm to be a licking dog!

(End of this chapter)