Chapter 99 Gu Chuan
Ever since he could remember, Gu Chuan knew what responsibilities he should bear. Even though he was still young and could not understand what those responsibilities were, he had to move forward step by step according to the rules set by his elders.

He received endless praise from his elders, but he knew he didn’t fit in because no one his age wanted to play with him.

Gu Chuan envied his cousin Shen Xing very much. Even though the adults said that Shen Xing was a naughty boy, he could do whatever he wanted without restraint.

Shen Xing can climb trees and fish, and he can also quarrel and fight with others. Once he wants something, he will just grab it.

And this is something that Gu Chuan would never do.

Even when his birthday cake was snatched away at a birthday party, the adults would only say: “Gu Chuan is a sensible and good child, he won’t bother with his cousin.”

So Gu Chuan could only stand there and said calmly: “I don’t mind.”

But how could I not mind?
It’s just that many people forgot that he was also a child, so he forced himself to work hard to become what they expected him to be.

But the more you suppress yourself, the more you want to be unrestrained.

The first time he did something out of line was when he was eighteen. On an afternoon with the sound of cicadas chirping, he secretly hooked the girl’s fingers under the desk.

Eighteen-year-old Gu Chuan has someone he likes, and this love is difficult to suppress. When his parents found out and ordered him to separate from the person he likes, he had the consciousness of resistance for the first time.

In his mind, he had imagined countless times what it would be like to marry the person he loved and spend the rest of his life with her. He wanted to be with her and grow old with her. If she liked children, they could try to have a child. They would have their own home, and in this home, they would definitely be relaxed and happy.

But I don’t know what went wrong. As time went by, many things changed.

His fatigue and impatience, her hysteria, derailed and changed the direction of everything that happened next.

Gu Chuan once thought that not letting his beloved get in touch with his oppressive and snobbish circle was a kind of protection for her.

Gu Chuan once thought that as long as they loved each other, they could stay together. As long as he became strong enough to leave his family, he would be able to hold the grandest wedding with her.

But these “thoughts” were just his thoughts.

After repeated quarrels and increasing fatigue, they seemed to have become strangers to each other, so separation became inevitable.

Gu Chuan seemed to have too many expectations for himself. After starting a new life, he could let go of the past. Just like every ordinary person in this world, the passion and absurdity of adolescence will eventually fade away with the passage of time and become a story of the past.

But he overestimated himself. That past that almost integrated all of his youth, that life filled with all the joy and love of his youth, had left a deep mark in his bones. He could try to hide it, but he could not erase it.

The psychologist told Gu Chuan that he needed to change to a new environment and try to start over.

restart?
Gu Chuan only felt it was ironic. He had tried to start over before, but that was the worst decision he had ever made in his life.

But he was still like a coward, or perhaps he was subconsciously trying to save himself, he left this familiar city and stayed abroad for seven years.

During these seven years, he came back once, when his grandmother was seriously ill and at her funeral.

If there was any warmth in Gu Chuan’s childhood?
It must be the old lady who always smiled and secretly gave him desserts. When this old lady passed away, the memories of her childhood were instantly replaced by a gloomy tone.

At the old lady’s funeral, Gu Chuan did not cry like others. Perhaps he was a cold and heartless person at heart, but he was the one who stood in the cemetery the longest.

He thought he should cry, but his dry eyes somehow couldn’t produce any moisture.

Gu Chuan suddenly felt that what others said was right, he was a despicable and shameless person.

A red rose was placed in front of the tombstone, which looked out of place with the white flowers used to commemorate the deceased.

Gu Chuan lowered his eyes and saw the little girl squatting on the ground.

She was wearing a little black dress and had two ponytails. Her eyes were red and there were traces of tears on her cute face. She hugged her knees and sniffed sadly from time to time.

Over the years, Gu Chuan felt that his emotions as a normal person were slowly disappearing. When he saw the girl crying for the old lady, he said inexplicably, “Are you sad?”

The girl raised her face and choked up and said, “I’m crying so hard, can’t you see that I’m very sad?”

The six-year-old girl is as delicate as a piece of jade. She has not grown up yet, but she already has the outline of a beauty. The similarity between her eyebrows and eyes is so familiar.

After a long time, Gu Chuan said: “You are Gua Gua.”

The girl was surprised, “Yes, uncle, do you know me?”

She had never seen this handsome uncle before, and she was surprised that he could call out her nickname at a glance.

Gu Chuan did not answer the question, but laughed softly, and then said: “Your grandma is my grandma.”

Guagua was confused for a moment.

Gu Chuan looked at the tombstone and said, “But I can’t cry.”

Everyone can cry, but he can’t.

Guagua stared at the tall man for a long time, wiped her eyes, and said: “Mom said that just because some people don’t cry doesn’t mean they’re not sad. They don’t shed tears, but their souls must be crying.”

After a moment, Gu Chuan lowered his eyes and looked at her again. His gaze was very careful, as if he wanted to find some traces of an old friend in the child, but he quickly suppressed this thought. Everyone should be unique, and no one should have the shadow of another person.

Gua Gua said carefully: “Uncle, can you please not tell others that I gave grandma red flowers.” Everyone gave white flowers, but she quietly gave grandma a red rose, for she was afraid of being blamed.

Gu Chuan smiled, “I won’t tell anyone. Remember that grandma likes red roses. You are very good.”

Guagua also laughed out loud, “Uncle, you are such a good person!”

The phone watch on her wrist rang, and she stood up hurriedly, “Dad and Mom must be looking for me, I want to go back, uncle…”

Gu Chuan reached out and touched the top of her head, and finally corrected her, “It’s uncle, not uncle.”

His eyebrows curved slightly, “Go back quickly, don’t let mom worry.”

Gua Gua was confused, but at the urging of the ringing sound, he quickly came to his senses and ran back.

Gu Chuan’s eyes followed the girl’s back into the distance. In that distant place, she ran into her mother’s arms. Her father squatted down and wiped the thin sweat on her face due to running with a tissue.

They must be the happiest family.

Across the long distance, and in the changing light brought about by the heavy shadows of the trees, Gu Chuan met Chu Yan’s eyes for the first time in a long time. Their distance was too far, so her eyes must have been blurred.

But Gu Chuan had an inexplicable understanding. Her eyes were very calm, without disgust or hatred, so calm that it seemed as if he was just a stranger passing by in her life.

Then he clearly realized that he was the only one who remained in that past.

The story that started with two people now has only one person left to perform a one-man show. What’s the point?

Yes, there is no point anymore.

Gu Chuan did not disturb the family. He returned to the house he bought with her. In their dreams, this would be their wedding house, where they would have children and stay together until the end of their lives.

The decoration of the house, the arrangement of the furniture, and even the baby room that was prepared in advance were all decisions they made together and were based on their preferences, but then they separated and another woman moved in, and everything was disrupted.

During the years that Gu Chuan was abroad, he met Song Xueying once by chance. It was at a banquet, where a young company president brought Song Xueying with him. At that time, Song Xueying changed her name to Song Xuexuan.

I heard that the young company president originally just treated her as a lover, but later fell in love with her. Now he is trying to cancel the engagement to give his lover a legitimate identity.

As for Lin Chenan, the man who had been in passionate love with Song Xueying, also seemed to have disappeared from her life.

Everyone’s destiny is messed up, but it also seems as if it was going to move forward the way it is now from the very beginning. Everyone understands that there should be a new beginning.

But he can’t.

Gu Chuan drank a glass of red wine and lay down in the bathtub. He closed his eyes and the sleeping pills were slowly taking effect.

All the events of his life appeared before his eyes one by one.

He has surrendered, resisted, gone crazy, and despaired.

And in the end, all these things just turned into white dots of light and slowly disappeared in his mind.

The warmth left by the scarred wrist slowly dyed the water surface a bright color. Perhaps it was his illusion, but in his hazy consciousness, he actually felt a warmth.

It was as if he had returned to the time when he was still in his mother’s womb, wrapped in tenderness, and he could find a safe haven where he could shelter from the wind and rain.

There, he was no longer the heir of the Gu family, nor was he a tool for his parents to continue their glory. He was no longer the child who needed to follow the rules, and more importantly, he was no longer the person he hated the most.

The wind was so cold that it made my scalp tingle.

The phone continued to vibrate, urging the distracted person to answer the call quickly.

He opened his eyes and saw the familiar scene in his memory. He didn’t react for a long time.

Just ahead, an intern who had just joined the company was squatting on the side of the road crying pitifully because she was being ostracized by her colleagues. The girl’s small figure looked weak and helpless, as if she was waiting for a mountain that could shelter her from the wind and rain.

He raised his hand. His wrist was smooth, without a single scar on the skin.

An even colder wind swept over him, and he came to his senses. Instead of moving forward, he took a step back and answered the call just one second before his phone stopped vibrating.

His voice was dry, “Yan Yan?”

“Gu Chuan, I have something to tell you, can you come back tonight?”

He answered quickly, “Yes, you must wait for me, wait for me…”

The man stumbled back and disappeared into the night.

Another “tick-tock” sound.

The red ripples spread gently, and the reflection on the water surface was a chaos.

The unattended house fell into silence forever.